We are here to
compassionately help organize the
next phase of your life.
About Our
Mediation Practice
We help you and your family discover, reorganize, and embrace what YOU believe your next stage of life should look like—
rather than how the Court system thinks it should be.
We support families. Period. You will always be a family- with human children, fur children, or no children. You were once joined in matrimony-a family structure. We choose to go against the grain of the litigation model of Divorce and Divorce aftercare whenever possible. We believe your personal integrity, healing journey, and finances are important. We believe that you have the power, self-control, and enough genuine care for the other person to handle this outside of the court system. We truly believe that people can do this work. You were once friends and lovers. You don’t have to be friends or lovers anymore but you can do this with as much human compassion and respect as possible. Divorce is hard in itself.
We believe that YOU are the EXPERT of your Family and Divorce. Balance Divorce iis here to assist you on your journey and make sure you fully understand your agreement and have checked all of the boxes so that your Divorce goes smoothly for your final court date.
A Quote From Our Owner
“As the owner of this practice, I wholeheartedly believe in this work. I have been through a Divorce that luckily was done mostly around the kitchen table and then mediated peacefully. I personally truly believe there are better ways than to involve the courts in making decisions with your lives. In this process there is room for creatively resolving issues. YOU get to decide what the next chapter of your lives looks like. In addition to having gone through a Divorce, I am the owner of this practice and a large mental health practice. It was really scary for me to build a business to try to be completely self sufficient AND have my marriage fail at the same time. I then was faced with the business I created being on the negotiation table. I’ve been there. You won’t find another Divorce Mediator with a mental health background who understands the process more intimately.”
-Amy Wilhelmi
Being Balanced Means that you have a handle on the various elements in your life and don’t feel that you are being pulled too hard in any direction. More often than not, you feel calm, grounded, clear-headed, and motivated. You are present-focused instead of past or future focused. You feel able to be mindful and are able to pay attention to and enjoy
the “little things” in life.
4 Key
Skills for Mediation Success:
Managed Emotions
Talking about unresolved issues can be emotionally upsetting. However, it is possible to manage your own emotions by anticipating upsetting moments and preparing for them. Don’t be surprised if you feel frustrated or angry upon hearing different points of view, hearing proposals you don’t like, and having to think of alternatives. Remember that most conflicts are resolved through this process of talking and listening and creating solutions. Prepare yourself to deal with any possible difficult moments.
How can you help yourself stay calm? One of the best techniques is to memorize short encouraging statements that you can tell yourself as you are going through the process, such as:
Patience:
- The agreement at the end is all that matters.
Sometimes it takes a while, but an agreement is usually reached. - With high-conflict emotions it usually takes longer, but agreements can still be reached.on’t take it personally
Dont take it personally:
- Personal attacks are not about me – they’re about the person who lacks self-control.
- I don’t have to defend myself or prove myself – I’m already okay as a person.
- We can disagree about the past – reaching an agreement about the future is what matters.
Flexible Thinking
A big focus of mediation and other settlement methods is making proposals. It helps to prepare proposals for each issue you are trying to resolve or plan to raise in the mediation. That way you don’t get stuck in “all-or-nothing thinking” and can avoid just getting upset when your first proposal isn’t immediately accepted. Any concern about the past can be turned into a proposal about the future.
It can help to prepare two proposals on any issue, so that you don’t get stuck if your first proposal is not agreed to right away. You can make a list of issues and then write two proposals for how you would like to see each one get resolved.
Responding to proposals is another area that can help with practice. In general, it helps to just respond with “Yes” “No” or “I’ll Think About It.” This saves arguing over the proposal itself, since what really matters is finding an agreement. Of course, you can ask questions about a proposal for greater understanding and to picture how it would look if you both agreed. But avoid challenging questions, like: “Why did you say that?” Or: “Do you realize that’s ridiculous?” If you disagree, just pause and say “I won’t agree to that,” and focus on making a new proposal yourself.
Moderate Behaviors
a) Don’t interrupt while the other person is speaking. Instead, make notes to remind yourself of any ideas that pop up while he or she is talking. Then you can raise them when appropriate.
b)Treat everyone with respect. This means avoiding insulting comments, raising your voice or pointing fingers. These behaviors often trigger defensiveness in the other person. Instead, you want everyone to stay calm and rational, in order to focus on solving the problems you came to discuss. Speaking respectfully goes a long way toward reaching agreements that will work and last over time.
c) Use “I” statements. These are sentences that start with “I feel…” or “I prefer…” or “I have another idea…” Avoid “You” statements, such as “You always…” or “You never…” “You” statements tend to trigger defensiveness in the other person, which will make it harder to reach an agreement. Just use “I” statements to convey your own perspective, rather than assumptions or criticisms of the other person’s perspective. Remember, all you need to do is to reach an agreement. You don’t need to try to change the other person’s way of thinking (which is unlikely anyway).
d) Ask to take a break, if necessary. Avoid just getting up and walking out. Ask for a break, so that everyone can stop for a few minutes. M
Mediation is more flexible than a court hearing or arbitration. Taking breaks can help you earn respect – rather than resentment if you rush out – and can help you calm down if you’re upset. It’s also fine to take a break to get advice from a lawyer, friend or other advisor before you make final agreements. Just ask for some time to do so – either a few minutes, or several days or weeks if necessary. Mediators generally do not pressure you to make final decisions at the same time as you first discuss an issue.
